My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My ATM looks so different sober.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
