i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
