I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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