i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
