Tell her she can't have a vagina
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
