1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
