We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think people are normalizing furries
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
