There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
