Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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