I wish I could teleport
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
