She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
