woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
