I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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