we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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