I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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