was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
