my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
