so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
