I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
