rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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