I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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