i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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