its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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