Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
