I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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