Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
