you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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