He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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