Even the bartender felt bad for me
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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