I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
