Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
