strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
