I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
