I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
