is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
