she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
