On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
