Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
