my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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