the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
