I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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