The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
