I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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