i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
