It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
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I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
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When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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