I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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