the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
