I'm drive I can fine osifer
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
