Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
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