He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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