So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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