Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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