i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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