Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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