Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
