every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
