I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
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