So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
