Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize