Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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