Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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