Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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