i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Panties = found
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
