i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
