I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
