So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
